Community ClicksSplitting the costs
My mother and her sister bought a diamond ring, splitting the cost and agreeing to share the profit when my mother could resell it at her small antiques shop.
Unfortunately, the ring was stolen, apparently pocketed by a customer.
My mother has no insurance but offered to reimburse her sister for her share of the ring, and my aunt accepted.
They’re fine with this, but it gnaws at me that my aunt took advantage of my mother.
Didn’t she?
— Name Withheld, Massachusetts
Your mother did right by offering to reimburse your aunt; your aunt did no wrong by accepting, as both of them apparently understand.
The only one flustered is you.
You should defer to their judgment and undergo some sort of deflustering.
What contributes to your discomfort, I suspect, is the blurring of the two different sets of obligations that come with two different relationships — business associates and sisters.
To avoid such distress, custom urges us not to do business with family or lend money to friends or, for other reasons, lend money to a cat.
How can a cat repay you?
It’s a cat!
Your mother and sister were functioning as business associates, a relationship that puts a higher priority on acting responsibly than acting generously.
Also significant is the nature of the theft.
Had your mother been mugged while swanning about with your aunt — i.e., having sisterly fun — your mother would have had no duty to bear the loss of the ring single-handedly.
But she was robbed while operating as a dealer and, like any other dealer, is responsible for property in her care.
That’s what obliged her to compensate her sister, even if it provokes frosty glances at the next family gathering.
Funeral cost pledge
My friend lost his son and was so distraught that I made the funeral arrangements for him.
When the funeral home asked about payment, I advised them to bill my friend and said I would stand good for it.
My friend has not paid them and told me he has fallen on hard times, a shock to me.
Do I have an obligation to pay the bill, which is substantial?
— Name Withheld, Atlanta
You do; that’s what you pledged.
And your friend has an obligation to repay you, although he did not explicitly promise to: he allowed you to incur these costs on his behalf.
When he has had some time to cope with his grief, you two should work out a plan for him to meet this obligation, perhaps by making small monthly payments.
It would be disheartening if he didn’t repay you after you showed such kindness to him, but even in that case, that wouldn’t justify breaking your word to the funeral home.
Update: The writer paid the funeral-home bill and sent his friend a card saying they could discuss repayment when the friend was ready.
Cheating raffle odds
I entered a concert-ticket raffle that allows only one entry per name.
To improve my odds, I also entered the name of a friend who I assumed would give me the ticket if he won.
He did win and plans to keep the ticket, although he was unaware of the raffle and isn’t even a huge fan of the band playing.
Shouldn’t he give me the ticket?
— Alex Hennessey, Charleston, S.C.
What kind of friend refuses to help you cheat a raffle and hijack a plane and hold the passengers hostage until the band you love agrees to play a private concert just for you in a crystal dome beneath the sea.
OK, your friend refused only the first of these and rightly so — he need not abet your small scam, although his fastidiousness does feel a little less than friendly.
A more benign way to see your activities: Realizing that the raffle permitted you only one entry, you heeded its rules and gave your pal a chance to win.
What a good guy you turned out to be!
In gratitude, he bought you some pie.
Mmm, pie!
He’s nice too.
Update: The friends split the cost of a second concert ticket.
